I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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