Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
