I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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