cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
