Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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