Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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