i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Randomize
