Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
