I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
