What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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