I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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