Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
