Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
