yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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