You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
