My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
