After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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