he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
