i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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