Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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