i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
