You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
