i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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