I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
