I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
