I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
