You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
