i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
