yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
