I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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