you guys were way drunker than both of me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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