I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
