My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will be naked everywhere
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
