Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
