we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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