no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
