You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
