They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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