You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
