i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
