I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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