I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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