Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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