Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
