You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
