dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
