Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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