Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
