i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
