I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
