guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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