I got chris browned last night
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
